Tell the Truth.

Change the Story.

Heal the Legacy. 

-L. McKowen

 

the thing you are most afraid to write.

write that.

-advice to young writers

N. Waheed

 

This quoteheart.  It is so simple and at the same time so profoundly true.

 

I started this blog a bit by accident and not fully confident that I wanted to dive in. Still, something deep inside me knew that to further process, heal and move forward into my forties, I must write. That voice told me to keep pressing in and away from the doubt and fear. To write IT. To write THAT. To write ALL of it... AND share.

 

This is the year I turn 40, roughly 3 months from now. Its been a year of big internal shifts and external changes. In the pages of this blog, I will write about all of THAT. 

 

Let's start with a list to better introduce myself. I'll call it, The Year I turned 40.

 

The year I turned 40,

 

*I took out my pen and started to write again-every day.

*I retired from my 15 year position as homeschool mom and sent my children to school.

*I (we) moved to the woods, close to the shores of Lake Michigan where my soul can rest.

*I found the work I am called to, a vocation in inquiry/life coaching, and pursued it.

*I discovered the healing power in yoga and began teacher training.

*I stopped running like it was my religion and gave my body a break.

*I (we) adopted our third son, after a six year struggle in foster care, and grew a cross-cultural family of 7.

*I turned in, not away from my marriage, to discover why I was there.

*I ended the daily, repetitive drinking habit that was numbing my mind and stealing my clarity.

*I stared down years of restrictive eating habits and, simply, ate when I was hungry.

*I typed as an Ennegram 7 and dived fully into study to better understand myself and those around me.

*I stumbled through the first year of raising teenagers.

*I weaned my very last baby at 18 months old.  

*I identified deeply rooted patterns of dependent and addictive behaviors in my life and took necessary, sometimes painful, steps towards change.

*I bought a suitcase and began to travel again.

*I rediscovered my faith and what it means to me.

*I explored my sexual identity and began to remove barriers of shame I had built there.

*I found friendship with boundaries and practiced using them.

*I acknowledged that I had a right, actually a responsibility, to take up space in this world.

*I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time and truly loved who I saw.

 

My intention is to write about all of that, piece by piece.

...to dig deeply, to share honestly, and to sharpen my own lens as I look further into the year I turn 40. 

Carrie